


Inflamed mind (or, Caleb's past hurts him in more ways than we think)

by Anonymous



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, BDSM, Bondage, Chains, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dissociation, Dom/sub, Hand Jobs, I'm really sorry it's absolutely horrible, M/M, Memory Alteration, Mind Manipulation, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape, Rough Oral Sex, Spitroasting, Violence, Whump, non-con, questionable magic use, so many bad things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-05-31 06:48:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19420660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The Mighty Nein's visit to Yussa Errenis takes a different turn as Caleb is brought upstairs and questioned. Ikithon's torture from all those years ago still haunts his mind and Yussa knows exactly how to exploit it.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. This is horrible. I'm not going to pretend its in any way okay or acceptable. What Yussa does is utterly disgusting and evil. So if that's something that will affect you in any way PLEASE do not read. But I wrote it. So here you go.

Caleb climbs the stairs behind Yussa in silence. There’s a feeling in his gut, a pooling dread that makes his blood run cold and the fire in his heart start flickering.

He can hear the chattering of his friends below as they snack on cookies and steadies himself with their joy. Nothing will go wrong. His friends are here. They can stop Yussa if worse comes to worst.

He glances at the powerful mage walking in front of him- flowing robes, long elven ears alert and dripping with golden earrings inlaid with beautiful gems. Though he carries no weapon there’s a sheen of energy that he seems to project, as if his power is so great that a mortal body can barely contain it. Caleb shudders.

It’s going to be fine.

They reach a door and wordlessly Yussa steps inside, gesturing for Caleb to follow. The room is dark, inky blackness in every corner. He can only see Yussa’s outline.

Behind him, the door slams closed with an unseen force. Caleb tenses, unable to see, as Yussa speaks.

“So, why are you here? Just to give me that artefact? Or is there something else you want?”

Yussa’s voice seems louder than before. It echoes all around them, and when Caleb speaks he sounds so weak in comparison.

“It was not my intention to bother you here… my friends, they-”

Yussa cuts him off.

“Yes, I’ve heard. But I’m not asking about your friends. I’m asking you. What did you come here for?”

Caleb backs up slightly, taking careful steps in the dark.

“I don’t understand what you’re-”

Suddenly from the darkness, there’s light. The sickly green light of a spell being cast. Though he can’t see much Caleb can see Yussa’s hands weave something complicated into the air. His eyes shine with the light and Caleb’s heart is in his mouth.

The light twists towards him, snaking through the air, unavoidable. Caleb twists away, trying to run but the door is in his way and it slams into his shoulder. Immediately he feels it start to take effect. His muscles lock up and then he feels all the strength leave his body, collapsing back against the door, the light of the spell wrapped around his legs and arms and throat.

The voice from the darkness is louder now.

“Quiet. Don’t try to lie to me. I know what you’re doing, Widogast.”

Caleb is shaking, breath coming in short bursts as he feels that flickering numbness cloud the edges of his vision.

“Please, I don’t know what you mean, what are you- ah!”

He feels hands in his hair yank his head back, baring his throat to Yussa, pushing him to his knees before the wizard, who comes into view, his face highlighted in green. The hand in his hair is strong, impossibly strong, and as Caleb weakly grasps at the hand on his neck he knows he’s powerless as Yussa looks at him, a cold and calculating expression on his face.

“Certainly not the most inconspicuous spy they could have sent,” Yussa murmurs, lifting his other hand to Caleb’s chin. “but you and your little friends have done better than most manage to. Who’s your master? Sharp? Ludinus?”

His gaze sharpens. “Are you one of Ikithon’s?”

Caleb has spent many years on the run from that name. He’s tried to train himself to not react when he hears it, to not feel the stabbing fear, but here, at the complete mercy of another powerful mage, he can’t help but wince.

Yussa takes this as his answer and stands up to his full height. He’s not that tall but the power he wields and the look in his eyes sends a bolt of electrifyingly familiar dread straight into Caleb’s heart. Here he is again, after all his running, all his hiding, all he’s gone through. Looking up at a man who was supposed to teach him but instead will just hurt him.

“Please…” He breathes, almost a whisper.

Yussa, with one hand extended that keeps Caleb trapped against the wall, rolls his eyes.

“You’d think they could actually send someone competent. But alas, here I am with another lackey. I suppose I should just kill you and your idiot friends downstairs. It’s a real shame about them. They did bring me excellent tea.”

Caleb is gasping.

“Not my friends. Please, please, listen to me. We’re not with Ikithon. I’m not with him. Not- not anymore.”

Yussa’s eyebrows twitch a little at this. He turns to face Caleb, eyes narrowing.

“You’re a Soltryce protegee? And somehow, you’re not, anymore? Intriguing…”

The best way forward is probably to tell the truth, Caleb thinks, and winces. This is a risk. This is stupid. This is crazy.

But he must save his friends.

“Master Yussa. I escaped Ikithon years ago. I have been on the run ever since. I was, yes, a protegee for him but not anymore. Not anymore. Please, my friends and I were being truthful. We want to stop the Cerberus assembly. I- I want to stop Ikithon.”

Yussa’s eyebrow raises slowly. And then he takes a step back and Caleb feels the hold person spell release him. He slumps forward, onto his knees, before the mage and stares at the floor. A hand gently touches his chin, lifting his face to look upwards at Yussa, framed by the faintly glowing runes on the wall. His expression has softened. Caleb doesn’t break the gaze, determined to prove his innocence.

And then the hand goes to his throat, and he’s lifted into the air with surprising strength. Yussa slams him back into the cold stone, a snarl ripping from him.

“ _Pathetic lies. All of it._ ”

Caleb’s hands flare and he grabs for Yussa, panic filling him as he struggles against Yussa’s grasp. He’s weakened, but still manages a small bolt of flame which soars from his palm into Yussa’s upper arm. He’s wearing a cloak which seems to deflect the damage, but the impact is enough. He yells, jerking back from Caleb and releasing him, batting at the flames on his shoulder.

“Why you little-”

Caleb lands on his feet and scrabbles in his coat for a handful of phosphorus. He begins the verbal component of his Wall of Fire as Yussa storms towards him, arms lifted, green magic already swirling. He feels the heat bubble within him and draws his power from the terror in his veins and the thought of his friends, downstairs, waiting for him. The wall begins to rise and fire dances in his vision and heat licks at his face.

And then it’s gone. It’s like the wind is knocked out of him as Yussa’s magic easily counterspells his fire. The flames are gone, and he’s left, a cornered rat.

Yussa growls and slinks closer to Caleb, who shrinks away from him, hands shaking. Yussa thinks for a second and then lifts a hand, casting a spell. Caleb cowers, waiting for a blast of arcane energy to hit him, to devour him, to obliterate him.

Nothing happens.

Caleb lifts his face and blinks as Yussa doubles in size before him. Where once stood a rather small elven man now stands a giant, 12 feet tall and staring down at Caleb’s tiny form.

“Don’t. try. Anything.”

His voice booms against the stonework of the tower and Caleb nods, heart in his throat. His hands are shaking as he carefully weighs his options and sinks to his knees, bowing before Yussa, hoping his surrender might be enough to save his life. Yussa reaches a giant hand down to him and grips him around the waist, lifting him up. With another hand, he summons a small length of chain. As he loops them onto Caleb’s hands and wrists, the cold press of the metal against his skin is so familiar that he feels bile rise in his throat. He looks at Yussa but all he can see is the grey, cruel face of Ikithon staring back at him.

Caleb doesn’t try to struggle as Yussa walks him over to a small hook on the wall and hangs him there by the chains on his wrists. He doesn’t even need to try and cast to know that the chains are probably arcane inhibitors. He’s stuck here, waiting for Yussa to interrogate him, or torture him, or kill him. He hangs his head and stares down at the floor.

“Tricky little human, aren’t you? Not so cocky now though, huh? You’re mine.”

Caleb shivers against the wall as Yussa stands before him, still in his giant form. The expression on Yussa’s face is strange, though. The anger from before has melted away leaving a kind of curiosity and interest. There’s a sort of energy in the air, smelling like ozone and burnt bread.

“See, little wizard, I really should kill you. You’re a liability. You’re weak. But here’s the thing. You’re ­ _Ikithon’s._ I know for a fact that crazy bastard has all his little protegees trained to serve him. To _bow down_ to his power. The fact you’ve escaped him is impressive, but you’ve not really let go, have you? You _love this._ Being held down and told you’re worthless and being _used?_ This is what you’re made for.”

He can’t deny it. Yussa treating him like this is awakening some long-slumbering beast inside of him, an unwavering, unavoidable heat in his gut. The position he’s in; tied to the wall, hands and feet bound, completely at the mercy of a powerful wizard… it’s nothing new.

In his mind, a memory surfaces from years ago.

He’s bound by ropes, kneeling between Ikithon’s legs. He’s naked, leaking cock on show for the whole Cerberus assembly as he laps at Ikithon’s dick. They’re in the great hall and Ikithon sits on a sort of throne before all of them

_“See how docile it makes him? He’s perfectly content here, doing my bidding. He’s enjoying it. Think about what this sort of enchantment could do for our armies, Sharp. Think of what it could do… the power we could wield…”_

He’s brought back to the present, back to his body, by Yussa’s huge palms on his cock. His hand is in his pants and he’s stroking, slowly but firmly along his length. Caleb can’t help but moan. It’s been years since anyone has touched him like this. He gasps as Yussa grips his pants and pulls them down, letting his cock spring out, already hard and leaking.

Yussa chuckles.

“I knew it. You love this, little wizard. You want me to use you.”

His hand is on his dick again and Caleb winces, despite the white-hot pleasure starting to build in the corners of his mind. Yussa starts to pump more intensely and Caleb whines, writhing in the chains. He loves this. He hates it. He loves the roughness of Yussa’s skin on his, loves the way he squeezes and pulls and reduces him to a moaning mess. He can feel himself getting close, can picture coming into that massive hand.

And then the pressure is gone and Yussa takes a step back. Caleb looks up just as a hand strikes him across the jaw and he jerks in the chains, crying out as his vision blurs.

“Useless human. Where’s your spine? Where’s your backbone? You give up so easily, pathetic runt.”

He can feel the pain bloom across his face as Yussa hits him again, this time in the stomach. Caleb grunts, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. His cock, however, jumps at the contact and Yussa’s eyes narrow.

“You like the pain, huh? Figures.” He grabs Caleb by the hair, manhandling him up off the hook on the wall and onto his knees. The pain in his scalp makes his head feel light but he can’t miss it as Yussa pulls off his cloak and undergarments before him. His cock would probably be average sized if Yussa hadn’t magically enlarged his entire body. Now, the cock is about the size of Caleb’s forearm and it’s coming closer and closer to his face.

“I can’t- I can’t fit, it won’t fit, Yussa, please-”

Yussa scowls and grabs his hair, yanking his head back.

“Shut up, you worthless whore. I _suggest_ that you put that mouth to use and make me feel good. And if you bite… well, I’ll be forgiving. You can choose if your friends die by ice or acid.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Caleb registers the suggestion spell take hold of him. It’s familiar, basic mind control, but he can’t resist all the same. Yussa is being kind to him, really. He’s right, Caleb _does_ want to be used, he wants this. He wants to make Yussa feel good.

He opens his mouth and licks a stripe up the side of the huge dick. The taste of sweat and salt fills his senses and he licks it again. Its nearly fully hard already and Caleb hears Yussa curse softly as he presses a kiss to the head, and then another, and then another. He can feel his dick pressing against his chest, the pressure making his head spin. He sucks hard, saliva leaking from his mouth, and groans as Yussa reaches out and starts to trail a hand down his chest.

 _He could stay here forever_. Caleb realises with a jolt of pleasure. Here, on his knees, sucking at Yussa’s cock, he’s safe from everything. From his past, from Ikithon, from the countless horrors he and his friends have faced. Here, in Yussa’s dark tower, he’s safe.

Yussa tugs at his hair, and that’s all the warning he gets before Yussa drops the Enlarge spell and flickers into his normal form. Suddenly Yussa thrusts himself into his mouth and Caleb stills, holding the cock on his tongue, relishing the taste of flesh in his mouth, the press of skin on the walls of his cheeks, the hand in his hair. He can’t move, with all the chains binding him, but Yussa can. He plunges forward, and Caleb gags as Yussa begins to thrust in and out at a furious pace. He chokes and splutters and doesn’t move.

Above him, Yussa is moaning, swearing as he grips Caleb’s hair with both hands. Suddenly there’s the scent of magic in the air and Caleb flinches as he feels a warm hand on his cock. His eyes flicker downwards and realises there’s a glowing purple Magehand slowly pumping him up and down. He moans around the cock, bucking into the hand, but it’s not enough, he needs more, he needs more-

There’s a particularly strong tug at his hair as Yussa pulls out, jacking himself off as he sprays warm come onto Caleb’s face. He whines as the Magehand suddenly pulls away from his dick, leaving him infuriatingly hard. His mind is a fog of pleasure, all he can think of is Yussa, Yussa, Yussa.

“Yussa, please- please I need it, I need to come, please-”

There’s a sharp jolt of pain as Yussa sends a bolt of magic into his throat and he chokes, voice cut off for a second.

“Look at you… what a moaning mess. You’re desperate. So weak. It’s a pity, really. I thought I’d get more resistance from you.” Yussa waves a hand and the chains disappear. Caleb drops down onto his hands, breathing heavily. “Go on, little human. Fight me. Hurt me.”

Caleb stands shakily, his pants bunched up around his ankles. He raises a hand to cast but can’t bring himself to try anything. He knows it’s futile at this point. The remnants of the suggestion spell still cling to him, like a bad taste in his mouth. He can’t hurt Yussa. He wants to pleasure him. He wants to be used by him.

He drops his arm and bows.

Yussa smirks.

“Good boy. Now, take off your clothes, and tell your friends the _spell_ I’m teaching you may take a while.”

Caleb nods and steps out of his pants, removing his coat and book harness, and finally taking off all his undergarments. From his coat, he takes a piece of silver wire and casts message to Nott.

“Nott, this spell is proving rather difficult. I will be a while, perhaps it is best that you go back to Marion’s and I will catch up to you in a while.”

The reply comes quickly, Nott’s shrill voice in his ear. Yussa meets his eye, a look of warning on his face.

“Are you sure Caleb? There’s some real great cookies here, we can stay for ages if you want us to! Youcanreplytothismessage!”

“No, that is okay Nott. You should go, I will see you soon.”

“Okay Caleb! Bye!”

He puts the wire back into the coat and drops it to the floor, looking up at Yussa.

“What will you have me do?”


	2. 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, some real bloody awful stuff here. PleaSE read the tags if you plan on reading and DON'T read if this is likely to hurt you. Stay safe.

He’s naked. When he comes to, that’s the first thing he notices. The second thing is the cold press of cuffs against his wrists and ankles, the hard wood against his back. He’s laying back, staring up at the ceiling.  
The room is dark and quiet, but Caleb knows he’s not alone.  
He discreetly pulls against the bonds, running through various ideas in his head. How to get out, how to get the mighty Nein, how to fucking kill Yussa for doing this to him. For returning him to this dark part of himself.  
Caleb shivers as the cold brushes his face, feeling cool metal on his neck. A collar. Great.  
He assumes it’s this that’s the magic inhibitor. They’re no longer in the transportation circle room, Yussa having cast Sleep on him and then taken him elsewhere in his stupid fucking tower. Now he’s here, tied against this table, legs and arms splayed, chin tilted and cock slowly hardening in the chill.  
He knows what’s coming.  
He hates it.  
He wants it.  
He’s craved this, this control, this power over him. He wouldn’t have given up so easily unless he knew that Yussa was right. Ikithon had made him like this, all those years ago, and he’s still a slave to his own instincts. His own desires.  
Logically he knows he should be attempting escape. But the thought of hands in his hair, fingers in his mouth, breath on his dick...  
He shivers.  
  
Suddenly his vision fills with white as Yussa enters the room and casts light. Caleb squints, waiting for his eyes to adjust, as Yussa approaches.  
He’s changed clothes, dressed in finery, loose fitting and delicately made. He’s wearing an expression of pure glee as he approaches Caleb, tied against the table.  
He doesn’t say anything as he runs a hand down Caleb’s chest, sending a shiver all the way up his spine. The touch is like a shockwave in his body, blood rushing in his ears and down below.  
“Hello, Widogast. Looks like you’ve already settled in, huh? Already loving those chains, are you?”  
Caleb shakes his head, glaring back at Yussa. There’s a gleam in the elf’s eyes, something like glee and malice rolled into one.  
There’s a sharp pain across his side and he cries out.  
“Liar. Your body betrays you, Widogast. You’re already hard, and I’ve barely touched you.” He runs a hand along Caleb’s chin. “You really are a slut.”  
Suddenly Yussa’s long fingers are in his mouth, nearly at his throat. Caleb coughs and struggles, but Yussa reaches around with his other hand and holds his head in place on the two fingers down his throat.  
For a second longer, he struggles and then gives up, letting the fingers rest on his tongue.  
“Come on, slut. You know what to do. I suggest you behave.”  
There’s the faintest whisper in his ear, and it seems so obvious. _Of course_ it’s better for him to just play along and behave. Yussa won’t hurt him, after all.  
He tentatively begins to suck on the fingers, coating them with saliva and slowly licking his way up and down them. Soon Yussa adds a third and Caleb eagerly takes it into his mouth.  
When Yussa withdraws he can barely withhold a faint whine.  
The mage laughs, carefully stepping away from his head and towards where his ass is spread open in front of him. Those damp fingers ever so slowly encircle his hole and Caleb gasps.  
“Sheisse- Yussa- fuck-”  
“Quiet, boy.”  
Caleb shuts his mouth but quickly opens it again as Yussa’s finger enters him. He moans and clenches around it, focusing his eyes on the stone ceiling above. He’s so used to feeling numb, to feeling the black expanse of guilt and fear weigh heavy in his heart. But this is the opposite. Every time Yussa’s fingers move inside of him, (twisting, pulling, exploring) he feels it like lightning up his spine. Every touch is a flame, it's fear, it’s panic.

As Yussa pulls out his hand Caleb realises there’s dampness on his cheeks. Tears. He’s sobbing, begging Yussa to stop. Then there’s a brush of wetness at his hole and Caleb knows he won’t. He cries out thickly as Yussa’s cock enters him, ever so slowly but still too much. Caleb struggles against the chains, whimpering, praying that this will slow down, that this will stop, that the joy and arousal welling up deep in his mind will quiet.

Yussa sinks into him and stills as he bottoms out, and Caleb stares at that brick in the ceiling, holding his breath. Yussa murmurs something and there’s that sharp smell again; the familiar metallic tang of magic. There’s movement behind him as a figure materialises and walks slowly around the table, trailing a hand up his chest and up his neck, into his hair.

It’s Yussa, but it’s not. There’s a magical shimmer surrounding him, and his movements are stiffer. Besides, Caleb can still feel the real Yussa’s cock buried inside of him. The duplicate _still feels_ real though. He crouches in front of Caleb, smiling softly, and takes Caleb’s chin in his hands, a thumb brushing against his lips. For a second Caleb’s fluttering heart slows, forgetting, just for a second, about the man fucking him against his will. His whole world is that gentle touch of fingers on his lips, that serene smile.

Then Yussa moves inside him. Caleb screams, pain exploding behind his eyes, as Yussa pulls back and _slams_ into him, again and again. He’s battered against the table and the chains, feeling skin break under the shackles on his wrists and ankles as Yussa rocks into him.

“No! No! Please, stop, stop stop-” Caleb half sobs, half screams out into the room. Yussa doesn’t stop, just nods at the duplicate, who’s hand leaves Caleb’s cheek as he stands. He drops the robe, revealing a faintly shimmering cock, and shoves it into Caleb’s mouth to shut him up. Caleb chokes around it, feeling it touch the back of his throat, and splutters as the duplicate begins to move inside him. The suggestion spell still lingers in the back of his mind, enough to stop him from biting down, but he still shakes his head and pushes at it, trying to get it out, get it out, get it out-

The duplicate reaches down and pinches Caleb’s nose, and begins to fuck his face, snapping his hips back and forth. Caleb tries to widen his mouth, to let air in, and focuses his blurry vision on the thick hair between the duplicate’s legs.

All the while, Yussa is pounding away, his thrusts losing their rhythm and just becoming frenzied and angry. Caleb moans, the fiery pain engulfing him quickly dissolving into searing pleasure, as he’s spitroasted. He’s struggling for breath as the duplicate holds his nose, and the edges of his vision start to turn white. He doesn’t know whether he’ll come or pass out first.

The duplicate silently sighs, and shudders as he comes into Caleb’s mouth. The wetness pours down his throat and he coughs, trying to spit it out. The hold on his nose is suddenly released, and Caleb sucks in a huge breath of air, coughing and wheezing. The duplicate smiles cruelly and disappears into nothing. Yussa, the real Yussa, leans down and grabs his throat, frantically pounding into him. Caleb struggles and moans and closes his eyes and when he opens them again, he’s somewhere else.

_It’s a familiar position, tied up on Ikithon’s dreaded table. His arms are held down by straps, his legs are suspended by chains. There’s a hand on his throat, forcing and squeezing the air out of him. He’s struggling but there’s no point. He’s crying but there’s nobody who listens. Nobody who cares. Ikithon fucks into him, methodical, powerful, and he just lies there and takes it and takes it and takes it._

Caleb blinks and Ikithon turns back into Yussa. His thrusts are slowing and he stutters, his grip on Caleb’s throat tightening, then releasing. Caleb barely gasps, barely moans, barely feels anything. The numbness is creeping on the edge of his vision, despite his achingly hard cock, despite the fire in his gut, despite the fingerprints on his neck. Yussa comes and Caleb feels the warmth spurt into him, filling him, claiming him.

He registers cold fingers on his dick, and time slows and he stills in his chains. It’s difficult to recognize the orgasm, everything feels too cold, too slow, too detached. This isn’t fire. This isn’t heat. This feels like paralysis.

Yussa pulls away from him, his breathing heavy. He approaches Caleb’s blank face, waving a hand to cast prestidigitation. The cooling come on his lower torso blinks into nothingness.

“Given up fighting, have you, Widogast?”

Caleb says nothing. He can’t. Yussa grunts, melting away into the shadows to pull on his clothes. It feels like an eternity until he returns.

Yussa approaches. He’s clothed again, and holding a thick, leather-bound scroll. He waves a hand and Caleb feels the cold metal on his hands and wrists disappear. He doesn’t move.

“Widogast. This has been fun.”

His eyes light up and the scroll begins to glow, white light spilling out from Yussa’s hands and the scroll. Caleb’s too weak to try and get out of the way as the light fills his vision, and he screams one last time as his body begins to lift into the air, surrounded by that white light. His ears are ringing and he can’t see or feel anything as Yussa speaks.

“Come back again sometime, Bren.”

Everything turns to static.

\-------------------------------

Caleb blinks as he’s walking down the stairs. There’s a feeling in his gut, that familiar coldness he’s come to associate with his panic attacks. He’d learnt the teleportation rune fine, and Yussa was escorting him out of the building. So why was he feeling this way?

When he returns to the lavish chateau, Nott approaches clutching a mug of ale for him.

“How did it go, Caleb?”

Caleb takes the mug and sits down with her at a table.

“It was good, Nott. He taught me a teleportation rune. When I am more powerful, we will be able to return to Yussa whenever we want to. Isn’t that great?”

Nott’s looking at him with concern. She says slowly,

“Yes, Caleb. That’s great… but what are those marks on your neck?”

Caleb freezes, a hand ghosting his throat.

“I don’t know.” He breathes. “I- I- don’t remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make it clear for anybody who didn't understand my ambiguous writing, Yussa used a modify memory scroll on Caleb after raping him.


End file.
